Outside the Lanes - Opening Night

These are historic times. The economy is experiencing a "once in a century" downturn. After eight years of GW, the most powerful country on the planet is on the verge of electing a new leader. And most important, the Hoffy Bowling League is back and better than ever.

What started out as a handful of guys hanging out at Lucky Strikes has evolved into one of the most prosperous and popular sporting events on the South Shore. The only other organization that can boast of a similar meteoric rise is the New England Patriots. But in my opinion, Robert Kraft has nothing on Commissioner Steve Loud.

Here are the key changes from last year.

• First off, the two-time defending Champion Jay King, officially retired from the League. Kinga has successfully done what millions of other athletes aspire to do: he went out as a Champion. He won another Championship, then sailed off into the sunset(actually he didn't sail, he drove his glass truck). We probably wont hear from him again until we see his tanned face at his Hall of Fame induction.
  
• More teams. Last year, we had 9 teams. This year we have 11, making the total number of bowlers 33. That's a lot of Solo cups.
• New flat screens. Same Candy Crane. Listen, the fellas at Wright Bros. know they're dealing with a classy organization. If the league continues to grow, they'll probably start installing leather chairs and dishing out complimentary peanuts.
  
• New faces. Of the 33 bowlers, 9 of them are new, including two new Captains, Jimmy Q and Matty D. So basically 30% of the league has turned over, so don't be starting fights with people you don't know. Given the fact that the place doesn't allow non-HBL bowlers in, there's a good chance the loudmouth yelling "YOUR SISTER" is in the league.
• And last but not least, M. Fratt is out. Commissioner Loud is like Elliot Ness, getting rid of all of the bad eggs in the crowd. Without Fratt and his tricky accounting, they're should be less "RIGGED!" chants. Everything is now on the straight and narrow.

So having covered all of the changes, let's get to last night's opener.

• Team Kano jumped out to a quick start beating Graydo, 5-0. RIGGED!!! They put up a league best 876 points. FIXED!!!! Not surprising, Kano drafted two experienced HBL'ers Galligan and T. Hawes(who has a championship ring, and lost in last years championship). Graydo's team, featuring the Dangerous Joe Dorsey and newcomer Elvis have nothing to hang their heads about. They put up 833, but ran into a buzz saw. Graydo will whip them into shape in no time.
• P. Fid, Lomo, and rookie Dego beat Sean, B. Dunn, and Bryan G., 4-1. Dego and Lomo are a serious 1-2 Adams Shore punch. Fid drafted Lomo, hoping that, like JD Drew, his second season will be much improved after settling in. As for Sean drafting two Bryans, I'm not sure it's legal. I'm checking the rule book.
• Everybody's favorite bowler Baggett won 3-2 over the Loud crowd. Isn't that cute, Stevie drafted his cousin and in-law. Should be loads of fun talking bowling at Thanksgiving Dinner and at the family X-mas party. Give me a break, Loud, you're better than that. I haven't seen this type of blatant nepotism since Mayor Phelan(or Mayor Koch). In my opinion Baggett isn't as stupid as he looks. He's got a well constructed team. He built his team with Dutchie as the foundation, the old wily veteran. Then sprinkled in the rookie Szabo, who has tremendous upside. Actually, I have no idea, I just like that term.

• Trooper Bo blanked Dwyer, 5-0. Welcome back Matty, good to see you! Bo has 2/3 of his Chicken Wing team(for those of you who don't know, think of the 2004 Red Sox "Idiots" only not as talented) back for this year. Bo grabbed Nut in the first round, but then Dwyer stole Boofa before Bo's 2nd pick. Dwyer went with Craiga, and Bo took Sleeveless Joe Sapp in the 2nd round. Craiga & Dwyer are like oil and water. Dwyer and Boofa are like cat's & dogs. That team has chemistry issues.
• Deej welcomed Q into the league by handing him 3.5-1.5 defeat. Deej is one of the most consistent bowlers in HBL history, and yet is still one of the most underrated. He's got the streaky Chris McPartlin and 3rd year man M. Hawes to round out his team. The rookie Q drafted fellow rookies Binz & Conroy. That team is a huge question mark. They could be awful or they could go undefeated, well, 19-1. Who knows?
  

Good luck for the rest of the season. See you suckers at softball.

Midnight Train to Roxies

Saw a couple of things last night on tv that are worth mentioning.

I see Toyota's "Saved By Zero" commercial at least 10 times/night. In case you don't know what it is, here you go:


Now I have to be honest with you, it's catchy. I like it. But the question is, do I like it more than the Fixx's version:

Fixx - Saved By Zero
by jpdc11

I'm leaning towards the Toyota version, mainly because it's shorter, and I have the attention span of a fly.

Next up, I saw a commercial for a new movie titled, The Midnight Meat Train.


Really? First off, I'm pretty sure Ron Jeremy already made a movie in 1989 with the same title. Next is that if you really want to do a horror movie about taking a train, just grab a camcorder and jump on the Orange line. I've seen some things man.

"Next stop, Ruggles!"

Celts are Undefeated!

Last night, the C's kicked off their title defense in style against Bron Bron and the Cavaliers. Here are some thoughts:

• The Championship rings feature a huge green Shamrock. You can't see it but inscribed on the inside of the ring is "Southie Rules". You can get a free replica ring with the purchase of a pair Gazelles from Jones' on Broadway from now through Thanksgiving.

• Instead of doing layup drills before the game, Paul Pierce was chopping onions in the locker room. Pierce passed Bob Cousy and now stands No. 5 on the Celts All-time scoring list. He trails John Havlicek and the Big 3.

"What is the pollen count today? My allergies are killing me!"

"Hey Cous, Eeeeeeeeyaaaaaaalater!"

• James Posey out, Tony Allen in. Allen looked like a different player last night, lots of energy. He still looked like a spaz, but a different spaz. He actually defended Lebron OK, and scored on him. Easily the highlight of his career. If we can have half of the Oklahoma State Tony Allen, we'll be alright.

• The Cavs showed their Halloween spirit. Daniel Gibson had a Batman fro, and Varejao dressed up like Sideshow Bob. Scalabrine was a clown, but he wasn't dressed up. Yes, thank you! Try the veal.

• After last years Finals, the C's brass told Kendrick Perkins to work on two things during the offseason. First was to stop making stupid fouls on offense, specifically when setting screens. He had 2 of those last night. The other was to stop making stupid "what did i do" faces after making stupid fouls. He had 6 of those last night. He fouled out in 21 minutes of play.

• Leon Powe is electric. He is easily my favorite player on the team. He flat out "gets" how to play basketball. He's one of those guys like Robert Horry that will finish his career with like 6 rings. You need players like Powe on your team. Problem is, there aren't too many like him.

Goulet!

This stache article absolutely blew me away.

I'm seriously thinking of putting the AMI in my 5.


I was checking out the photos from the Stache Bash and found this one of "Earl":


That's dead on. Matty Dwyer himself couldn't do a better job. My only complaint was that there wasn't a Magnum to be found in any of the pictures from the Bash. If I'm going into a Mustache fight, and I can only pick one guy in the world, it's Magnum. It's an absolute travesty that he was not honored.

Although this pic wasn't in the galleries either, it's definitely worthy:

For the mustache...it's a good mustache.

Anything is POSSIBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

For those of you fans who don't remember what it's like to win an NBA Championship....


P.S. If you're not good at basketball, stay in school.

The Big Two

On the same week the defending NBA Champion Boston Celtics begin their season, the Big Two(Tom & Lindsey) have engaged to be married.

Congratulations.

In my humble opinion, he should've proposed at halftime during the Manets Alumni game. Very romantical.

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Investors are officially checking out of equity markets.

Save yourself.

De Plane!

Just thought everyone could use a little pick me up on a cold Friday when the fate of the global economy is teetering on the edge. Lord knows that with these harsh economic times, nobody has the money to visit a tropical island, let alone a fantasy island. Although Kano scraped up enough money to head down to a time share in Florida.

It's very important to have dreams. They help us get through days like today.

BOWLING 2008

Even though I haven't gone yet(or may ever go again) but bowling is in full swing these days. Preseason has begun to determine bowlers averages, or handicaps. This will take place until around Turkey Day, when the draft will occur. Please contact Commissioner Steve Loud or Deputy Commissioner Jeff Craig for further details.

Protect and Serve

In keeping with the same logic as the fine officers up in Peabody who've requested that 9/11 be commemorated by giving them a paid holiday, I move that those in the financial world take the entire month of October off. This of course would give us time to honor the biggest tank jobs in DOW history, all of which, curiously occurred in October.

1. There was of course the Grand Puba, Monday October 19, 1987. The Dow was down 22.61%.
2. The second biggest collapse was on October 28, 1929. It dropped 12.83%.
3. They had so much fun that day, they ran it back and plummeted another 11.73% the next day, October 29, 1929.
4. And of course, the 2nd largest single day point decline happened last weeks, when the Dow sunk 733.08 points.
5. Wait....today is not over.....we could be in for another one.

So clearly history has shown that the month of October has not been kind to the equity markets. Take the month off, reflect, recharge the batteries, and really get after it in November. I feel this would be a prudent strategy to protect and serve investors assets.

Two Dragons

I've never been a huge fan of the Passer Rating stat. My personal beef with it is that the formula heavily weighs TD/INT's and completion percentages which tends to favor more accurate, game manager type QB's, i.e. Chad Pennington(88.89) and Ben Roethlisberg(93.0) rather than the gunslingers like John Elway(79.86) and Warren Moon(80.9).

Obviously, by looking at the top five all-time(Steve Young, P. Manning, Kurt Warner, Tom Brady, Joe Montana), the stat does hold some water and actually translates into QB success/greatness. However, these are career stats accumulated over time, so naturally, like the old saying goes, "the cream always rises to the top."

When looking at individual games, you really start to see some head scratching results. Case in point, Monday's ass whooping of the Denver Broncos. The Pats rolled to a 41-7 victory. Now if you watched the game, you'd know that the final score had much more to do with Denvers turnovers than the play of Patriot QB Matt Cassel. Cassel DID throw for 185 yard and 3 TD's, 0 INT's, which is pretty damn good, but he was largely aided by generous field position and a powerful running game.

Now here's where it gets weird. Two dragon weird. Cassel's passer rating for the game was an eye-popping 136.3. Comparing his rating to Brady's last year, Cassel's 136.3 would've been higher than 12 of Brady's sixteen regular season games last year. And we're not talking regular Tom Brady stats, we're talking about Tom Brady's record-breaking season stats.

At no point in time, while watching Monday's game, did I think that Cassel's performance was close to, let alone BETTER, than any of Brady's games from last year. I saw him run around with those Bledsoe happy feet, make bad throws, and get sacked way too many times. He displayed a complete lack of ability to move the ball consistently against the worst defense in the league. He looked VERY uncomfortable out there.

And yet, his stats top 3/4 of Brady's games during his uberseason.

Matt Cassel's career passer rating is an 84. Tom Brady's is a 92.93.

All About The Hamiltons Baby

It's official, the hoffy blog is a sell out. I've registered for Ad Sense, which basically allows ads to appear in the margins of the blog.

Should start in a few days.

Almost There

Apparently I got my Star Wars metaphors mixed. Apparently when I compared the Red Sox to the Millenium Falcon, what I really meant to say was that they were more like the character Gavin Fries, leader of the Red Squadron. You may now him as the guy who almost blew up the Death Star. His photon blast actually missed the small opening and left the Death Star unfazed. My bad.

Batting Leadoff: Steve Harvey

How much did everybody win? Game 7, same thing, no doubt. Give the point and take the money. Ok, here we go, biggest game of the year.....wait.....where is it? I can't find it. What the f is this?

NOOOOOOOO, NOT AGAIN!!!!!!

$$$

Okay, I'm good now. I read the game recap, and I have a JD Drew shirt, so I'm officially back on the wagon. I'm a little upset that the Sox didn't cover(-1.5) last night, but hey, I'll let it slide. My Sox to win the World Series bet is not only still alive, but it's pretty much a lock.

Beep....beep....beep....what's that sound? Wait, let me take a look....oh it's the sound of a truck backing into a loading dock. What it means is that the Sox winning tomorrow night is an absolute guarantee. You back up the truck, unload whatever you have left in your 401k, and the take the Sox to win the game. The current line is around Sox +135. Book it.

We've seen this exactly TWICE since 2004. The Sox are literally an out away from packing their bags and kablammo, they're off and running. Untouchable pitching, grand salamis, you name it. Remember when the Millenium Falcon was being chased by the Imperial Star Destroyer. They were sitting ducks because the hyperdrive on the old Falc was acting up again. Han was ripping off witty, panic-ridden one-liners while Chewy was growling, throwing his mammoth hands in the air. But little old R2 kept his wits and started monkeying around with some wires. Sure enought, sparks flew, the hyperdrive engaged, and off they went. Left the Destroyer in the dust. The two Imperial guys could only look at each other in disbelief.




That is precisely what is going on here. The Sox are dinged up. Let's face it, they're not the same team that won it all last year. They lost the reigning World Series MVP. They have the reigning ALCS MVP at 80%. Sure they have a better left fielder this year, but he can only carry them so far.

Last night, once again, facing elimination they found their identity. They found the swagger. The turbo boosters kicked in. At this point there is no turning back. The Sox are back. We saw it in 2004 against the Yankees. We saw it last year against the Indians. The wheels are in motion. There is nothing the Rays or Phillies can do about it.


The Phillies are screaming right now....."Sweep the Leg!"

Lorne Michael Conspiracy

So the Sox got smoked again, down by 5 runs before I turned the TV on. Oh well, the good news was that I didn't miss the Office. It was a pretty funny episode. Then there was this SNL Political Special which was good. Which leads me to this long, complicated theory of how Lorne Michael had something to do with Palin being chosen as McCain's running mate.

Let's start from the beginning. It all goes back to....what? I'm in the middle of a blog here.....they won? Dude, your nuts they were down 7-0 going into the bottom of the 7th. It didn't happen. Yeah whatever. I have ESPN.com right here, let me check.

HOLY SHIT! Wow....I don't know what to say. My face is a little red.

So what the hell happened??? Pedroia gets an RBI...aha....Papi hits big 3-run donkey to make it 7-4. Okay, JD Drew hits a two run BOMB!!! YES, where the hell is my Drew shirt....oh wait thats right, the Plaza was closed....I need to get a Drew shirt. Okay, then Drew hits the game winner in the 9th. I need to go.....I need to take care of something. Does anyone know where I can buy a JD Drew shirt?




Also, if you didn't happen to bail on the Sox and missed the SNL Weekend Update last night. Check this out. They stole my material from yesterdays blog regarding Joe the Plumber. It happens around the 5 minute mark in the "We Liked It" section.

I know them

The news reporter conducting this fine interview is none other than Amy Erickson, formerly Amy McHugh, as in Lindsey McHugh, as in the girl my brother Tommy proposed to on the dance floor at the Quincy High Homecoming Party. Due to large amount of alcohol consumption, I'm getting conflicting reports of what actually happened. Some say they're engaged. Another says they actually got married. And yet another says that Tommy just tweaked a hammy and "found" a sparkly gem while Lindsey simultaneously had a sneezing fit that caused her to well up. Anyway, it's safe to say, I can call Lindsey my sister in law.

I actually met Amy not too long ago at a party hosted by the newlyweds, my bad, newly engaged. I talked to her for about 3-5 minutes. So by the transitive property, I talked to Sarah Palin. By using the same logic, I also am acquainted with Tina Fey.

Hey Joe

Anyone watch last night's debate? The Palin-Biden debate featured the word "Maverick". Last nights magic words were "Joe" or "Joe the Plumber". The name Joe, by itself, was used 18 times last night. The term "Joe the Plumber" was used 6 more. Good stuff.

Just as an aside here, but the global financial system/economy is grinding to a halt here, and some jerkoff plumber who makes over $250k/year is dominating the final debate of possibly one of the biggest elections in our country's history.

Where the hell does this guy work? Newton? The OC? $250k/year! Is he some sort of plumber for the celebrities out in LA? Does he have his own show on the Discovery Channel?

And talk about job security. I work in the financial sector. Not a rock solid place to work in a time of financial crisis. But as far as I know, however bad the economy gets, a plumber will always have work. People still took shits during the Great Depression. Showers maybe not so much, but shits definitely.

Homecoming

Well, if you haven't already gathered from the picture, the Homecoming was a big hit. Kudos to those who put it together. I'm looking forward to an even bigger crowd next year. Hopefully this event will become as big as the Manets Alumni football game, held the Saturday after Turkey Day at Labrecque field.


P.S. Does anyone remember Acropolis Pizza? It was very underrated. Always played second fiddle to Napolis. It was the first time I ever saw the word Gyro. I used to go there for a few slices before I went to the Comic Book store or TAJ to buy some baseball cards.

See the rest of the pictures here

Penthouse & Egyptian Cotton

So the overweight, convicted double murderer was finally executed today.

To recap, his defense went a little something like this:
A. I'm fat, because of prison.
B. I'm medically unfit to die, because I'm fat.
C. It would be cruel and unusual to execute someone who is medically unfit.


This guy's logic makes no sense on so many levels. But even with his incredibly flawed defense argument, the most glaring example of his stupidity was his feeble escape attempt in 2005.

Dude, your close to 300lbs and you think you can scale a barrier by using a ladder made of bedsheets and magazines?


The fact that his execution went off with "no problems whatsoever" is unfortunate. If I were the warden, I would've given him a rice cake for his last meal.

I'll take my credit market well done please

If credit markets are "frozen", then G.W. is the guy in the panda suit.

Commercial Break

By far, the best part about last night's game was heading into commercial breaks. Are you kidding me? I saw more tight cleavage shots than in an episode of the "Red Shoe Diaries".

On one possession, the Pats were driving into Charger territory. Cassel really established a good rhythm. I was screaming at the tv, "Call Time Out!"

Who's in your 5?

Wow, it's been a busy week. Since last Wednesday, I lost roughly 30% of my life savings, got kicked out of the "suicide" pool by selecting those friggin Hip Hop Hooray Washington Redskins, had a baby, and almost went to the Quincy High Reunion thing, which by all accounts was the event of the year. But the big story of the week, was that I changed my 5.

As you may know, Barstool has been holding the 5 spot in my links section up until last week. But now, they're dead to me. More dead to me than Abe Vigoda. At the Hoffy spot, we really condone self-deprecation. The guys over at Barstool have been drifting away from that and going with more "cock of the walk" type stuff. Really puffing they're chest out these days. So in short, I cut them loose.

So with all of this other stuff going on, I was burdened with finding a solid replacement for my 5. I combed the Quincy Sun, and craigslist, but couldn't find anything suitable. I had all but given up when out of nowhere I got an innocent email about a story from the Improper Bostonian(read the story here). In it contained the name of a Quincy guy, Kerry Byrne, who has a little website called www.coldhardfootballfacts.com.

Now, the fellas over at Northeast Country Club have been know to lay down a few bets from time to time. And one of the resources we turned to was the Cold Hard site. So I am familiar with the site, but never knew who wrote the stuff. But after reading the Improper article, I finally put two and two together and realized that I actually played Quincy Youth Football with Kerry. He was also a member of the Hough's Neck Manets(the fact that he's from Adams Shore and NOT Hough's Neck is a discussion for another time).

So one thing led to another, and boom, he's in my five. The Cold Hard site is a great change of pace from that outdated Bartstool material. The stuff they do is cutting edge. They crunch numbers like nobody's business. Once I figured out it was Kerry, it made perfect sense. I distinctly remember him wearing "I Humbled the Humble One" shirt in practice like 25 years ago. He probably had 5 of those shirts by the age of 13.

But don't let the "number crunching" scare you. This isn't all "labbie" stuff. Sure the site has some numbers, but it is loaded great articles and other good stuff like tailgate recipes. They really go out of their way to present their stuff in a humorous manner(with a touch of self-deprecation). Kerry and his boys are some sort of weird John Clayton/Bill Simmons/Bobby Flay hybrid(i think there may be a little Rain Man in there too). So to recap, football, betting, food, and funny. Where do I sign up?

Go check out the facts from the Cold Hard guys.

2.0

Introducing Frattboy 2.0.

35 five years of R&D since the original version, and all of the kinks have been worked out. At 8lbs 12 oz., 20.5 inches, he's not only bigger, faster and stronger, but the 2.0 is loaded with upgrades including Bluetooth and an all-wheel package.

The pundits are calling 2.o vastly improved in virtually all areas than his predecessor. At 4 days old, he's already scored a 12 on the Wonderlic(Vince Young got a 6).

Dominos

The Fed made an emergency rate cut, moving the Fed Funds rate to 1.5% in an attempt to bolster the struggling credit and equity markets. Despite the cut, the Dow dropped roughly 200 points at today's open.

All I can say is I dodged a bullet when I switched my career to professional blogger. Actually I didn't dodge the bullet, I jumped it front of it and took it right off the chest. Normally that would hurt. Not me though, I'm a blogger. The blogging industry is absolutely recession-proof. Sure it's a 24-7 commitment, and once your a celebrity, your privacy, or lack thereof, becomes an issue. But these are small prices to pay for the piece of mind that comes with complete job security.

But just in case, I'm getting a tune-up for my car, so that if, and this is a HUGE IF, this flourishing blog doesn't pan out, I can go to my "fall back" position of pizza deliverer. I know the streets of Quincy like the back of my hand. I don't need no stinking GPS crap. I'm old school.

Hip Hip!

You just don't see too many "Hip. Hip. Hooray!" chants anymore. Kudos to Jim Zorn and the Washington Redskins for bringing it back. If they could somehow revive this old classic, I would be forever indebted(Go to about 5:45):

Donkey Punch

Here is a clip from last week's SNL. I thought the vocals were dead on. But, and I think the Insufficient One can vouch for me here, it would've been more realistic if Wahlberg had two smoking chicks around each arm, then punched the donkey, gave him the G-Town finger, then sped off in a Camaro(convertible).

Football Recap

• Matt Cassel is looking comfortable in the pocket. That's all I'm saying at this point.
• Right now, Sammy Morris is a better running back than Lawrence Maroney. Kevin Faulk is better than Morris.
• I think Barstool said something about Mayo being the next Patrick Willis. Seeing them go head to head absolutely blew that comparison out of the water. Willis is a friggin animal. He's almost as good as Brian Urlacher is(in my mind). Mayo had 2 tackles. Willis had 18...and a sack...and was literally everywhere.
  

• Sage Rosenfels basically played the worst 4 minutes of QB I have ever seen. Yes even worse than when Gumbo played QB for the Hoffy Flag Team. With just over 4 minutes to play and his team up by 10 points, Rosenfels decided to jump over 3 defenders and make a first down. Instead of making it, he got drilled and fumbled the ball, which a defender picked up and rumbled 68 yards for the score. Yes, 68 yards. So that means if Rosenfels just slid and came up short, then they still would've been in FG range to put them up by 13. Ok, so they are still up by4 with 3 minutes or so. Nope, on the 3rd play, dickhead got stripped and gave the ball back to Indy. Two plays later and the Texans are down by 4. Ok, we're down 4, but we've been moving the ball all day, and we've got 2 minutes. Nope, after moving to midfield, numbnuts throws a pick. So for thats 3 turnovers in 4 minutes. Just plain awful.
• Mihammy beat up on San Diego, so now I don't feel so bad about the Pats last game. The Pats play San Diego next week.
  
• I can't figure out the AFC East. Pats beat the Jets, but lose to Miami. Jets lose to Pats, but destroy the Cardinals. Miami loses to Jets and Cardinals but beat Pats and SD. Buffalo beats everyone but gets killed by Cardinals.
  

Baseball Recap

Sox-Angels Game 2

• Sox go up 2-0 in the series, thanks to Jason Bay and his hot bat. Apparently Bay went to batting cages down at Starland. I'll take a couple of tokens for the batting cages and a steady diet of breaking balls please. The pitch he crushed into the rocks in Anaheim was a deuce i think. Bay is officially better than Manny.

• I tried to go to the South Shore Plaza at midnight to grab a JD Drew shirt, but everything was closed.
  

• The official time for Game 2 was 3:51. Wow, that was a quick one. Also, I told you to put money on Mr. Matsuzaka. Piece of cake!

Game 3

• Beckett and Varitek have about as much chemistry as Manny Ramirez and Jack McCormick. Maybe they can't understand each other because they're talking through their gloves. They both probably sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown when they meet on the mound.
  

• Pedroia the Destroyer left like 12 guys on base despite crushing balls all over the field.

• Tori Hunter is playing some really dumb baseball. First he does the you-me-me-you thing and lets the ball drop for a 3-run single, then gets thrown out trying to stretch one into a double. And let's not forget about the almost blowing out his knee when disputing a close call in Game 1. Tori, do you know Martin? Martin Up. Yes, that one kills with ages under 7.

• Weaver looks like the guy from Puddle of Mudd.

• I think there is something wrong with the radar gun, because EVERY pitcher throws in the upper 90's.

• Terry Francona adjusts his cap really funny. He lifts it straight up as if he's an old chap tilting his top hat to acknowledge a fine looking lass. Good day my lady.

• What was better? Mike Napolis 3-5, 2HR, 3RBI performance OR a slice of Napoli pizza back in the day. Rember when they had that Marble Madness video game, and that T erminator pinball machine? Close call.

• Game Time: 5:19. That's more like it.

Easy Money

No, not Rodney Dangerfield. Dice-K Tonight = $$$

Book it.

Campaign Volleyball

Okay, so I watched a little of the VP debate last night. It was terrible. Two unbelievably unprepared candidates spewing half truths that were apparently read from a script. A debate is about addressing issues and exchanging points and counterpoints. In the limited time I watched it, I saw nothing that resembled a debate. For those who watched it, this is not news to you.

So anyway, I keep flicking back and forth to the thing, but came in at one point of the debate where the term "Maverick" was used at least 10 times in about 3 minutes. It's clear to me that the McCain-Palin ticket is really pushing this Top Gun theme. Yeah, we get it, they were both fighter pilots, ooooohhhhhh big coincidence. Listen, everybody wants to be Maverick and Goose. They are probably in the top ten of all-time tandems(check out the top 5 here). It's no wonder that McCain & Palin want to hitch their wagon to the Top Gun duo, but clearly they have nothing in common.

But then I found this clip, and the similarities were striking. Okay, let me set the clip up a little first. It's the famous beach volleyball scene. This one is dubbed to some "California" tune. It has to be the greatest homo-erotic scene in all of cinema. We're talking four sweaty dudes playing slap and tickle with their shirts off, rolling around in sand. It'll never be topped. But I digress, back to the similarities of the current Presidential Election.

Why don't you just watch the clip, and see if you make the same conclusions:




Okay, here's my take. Maverick and Goose(McCain-Palin) are playing a heated game of beach volleyball against their arch rivals Iceman and Slider(Obama-Biden). The game of volleyball represents the current Presidential campaign trail.

Although it's a tight game, Maverick seems to be distracted. He can't help but check his goofy watch in a goofy way(when I check my watch, I don't have to touch it). Iceman and Slider start to really jell on the court, they're really bombing away with some heavy shots. But Mav and Goose stick it out and claw back and make the game close. Side note: Each time Mav & Goose make a big shot they do this really, really uncool high-five.

After going toe to toe for a few more rallies, Maverick just walks off the friggin court. To put it another way, he suspends his campaign of volleyball goodness to address a more pressing matter. I can only assume it's the reason he kept checking his watch. What could be more important than volleyball? It's the biggest volleyball game of his beach volleyball career.

Maybe it was about a girl or maybe the global financial system had seized up and the world was on the edge of falling into an economic abyss. Either one would probably concern him, but if I had to guess, he was going to get some tail.

That's it. Thats how I see it.

I can't wait for the "You've lost that Lovin Feelin" bar room scene.

Baseball 101

Just curious to see how many readers out there are versed in the art of pitching. Now, many of you may have ended your baseball careers after Little League. Some of you may have gone on to play Babe Ruth, Legion and High School. And a very select few of you probably played the mysterious sport in college or beyond.

I was in the second category, so believe me, I have no idea what I'm talking about. But as I watched the game last night between the Red Sox and the Angels, I was picked up on something. Did you guys notice it to?

There's this thing called a fastball. The pitcher throws it as hard as he can and tries to strike the batter out. Although the fastball is thrown with great velocity, it has little "movement" and if a batter can somehow catch up to it's speed, the ball usually carries great distances and finds holes in the defense.

Baseball would be an easy game if all batters had to do was get down the "timing" and tee off on fastballs, so they threw this other pitch in there to keep batters on their toes. It's called a curveball. Not as fast as its cousin the fastball, the curveball travels considerably slower, but features a downward/sideways sloping trajectory which hitters often miss. Ever hear the phrase "threw him a curveball", which means to do something unexpected, I'm 99% sure it comes from this pitch.

Well back to last nights game. I noticed that many of the Red Sox batters were having trouble with this wiggly curveball. They kept swinging their mighty bats where they thought the little fella would be, but somehow, repeatedly, he wasn't there. No bigger culprit was Jason Bay. He was missing. Badly. It was as if Jason had never seen a curveball before.

Then a funny thing happened. Despite the continued success of the curveball, the Angels decided to throw the Red Sox fastballs. In a tight game, all it takes is one big swing, and thats what happened last night. Jason Bay caught one of the fastballs and dropped it in the bleachers for a two-run homerun. The Sox eventually won the game 4-1, thanks to Mr. Fastball.

Now as your watching the rest of the playoffs, see if you can notice the difference between a fastball and a curveball. Believe me, it's not easy. Heck, even the Angels don't seem to know the difference, and they are professionals. Anyway, here are a few examples, see if you can spot the difference:

CURVEBALL

FASTBALL



CURVEBALL



FASTBALL




CURVEBALL

FASTBALL

I hope everybody now can tell the two apart. However, I have a sneaky suspicion that there will be a lot more curve balls thrown for the rest of this series.

Baseball Look-a-Like

Listen, I know my track record on these look a like things is a little suspect, but I saw one last night that was dead on.

Jason Bay



Pedro Cerrano

Huh? Anyone else seeing it? Huh? Look closely now.

El prediction

Cincinnati Enquirer

Chad Ocho Cinco, who has largely held his tongue this season, let it rip Wednesday in a conference call with reporters that cover the Cowboys and later in the Paul Brown Stadium locker room. "That's America's team. It's one of the greatest organizations ever," Ocho Cinco said of the Cowboys. "This week, to show my respect for Dallas and its owner, Jerry Jones, I'm going to score and I'm going to kiss the star. I'm telling you, I'm not being rude about anything. I'm going to kiss the star. It's going to be fun. I'm excited to go to Dallas. You know, T.O. (Terrell Owens), you've got two of the don't-know-what-is-going-to-happen-next receivers playing. It's going to be fun."

Actually Chad, I know exactly what's going to happen. Dallas will get out to a quick lead because your defense sucks. Carson Palmer, if he's even playing, will probably get sacked 4 or 5 times, and will eventually be knocked out of the game. The cameras might catch you and your QB yapping at each other on the sidelines. And finally you'll probably catch 2 or 3 passes for about 30 yards in garbage time. Ooops, my bad, that's dos or tres catches for roughly treinta yards, for the Spanish speaking audience.

Another prediction is that the Cowboys throw to TO 5 or 6 times on the first series and make sure he gets the first TD so he can do a preemptive kiss of the Dallas star. Basically TO wants to beat Ocho Cinco to the punch at making a complete ass of himself. And speaking of TO, and making an ass of himself, and the Dallas star, does anyone remember this?

Or how bout this?

October Baseball

It's that time of year again. Early sunsets. Red and Orange leaves. And a Boston Red Sox playoff run.




It's a late start tonight, so make sure you have a backup alarm just in case.



Either way, you're still gonna look like this tomorrow.