Tangelo

I was just in City Sports doing a little browsing. Came across the sandals section and saw a big display of Reef Sandals. I tell you, the guys over at Reef HQ are tough to figure out. They're either very smart or very dumb. They've like a combined a really, really bright idea with a real bad one. It's kinda like one of those weird hybrid fruits, like a tangelo or something that is half tangerine half grapefruit. Sure everybody likes tangerines, but who the f likes grapefruit? I didn't ask who eats grapefruit, I asked who likes grapefruit. That's what I thought.

Tangerine:

The tangerine half, or the good half of the Reef business model are their famous Reef Girls. Unbelievable. Just asses. No faces, just straight up ass models. And I like asses. Especially ones like these:

"They must work out"

And I'm not alone here. What person wouldn't like any one of those asses? A good ass(on a girl) transcends gender, it can be appreciated by both males and females. That's why this marketing ploy has been so successful:

Great Ass + Corporate name = Brand recognition.

The plan is brilliant. The plan is simple. Where can I get me some of those...ah....sandals?

And because these guys have cornered the market on top notch ass, they've got to answer to a higher standard. Every month, they crown a new "Reef Girl of the Month", so they are continually raising the bar. They must have "Ass Scouts" scouring beaches around the world looking for potential candidates for their next catalog.

Grapefruit:

Okay, enough about ass. These guys may have a great marketing campaign but the wheels completely come off from there. They sell sandals. All different kinds. Dressy kinds. Sporty kinds. Toe-wedgies. The whole bit. But one thing they have in common(at least many of the ones that i saw) is the brilliant idea to put a bottle opener on the bottom of the sandal. So you want me to open up a bottle with something I've been walking around in all day? There is just something counter intuitive about that.

Picture the scene: It's the 6th inning at Fenway Park sometime in late July. Your six beers deep and you have to leave your bleacher seat to take a leak. On your way to the trough-like urinal in the Men's Room, you've stomped over peanut shells, Guilden's Spicy Brown, and of course spilled beer. Hours later, you're at your buddies BBQ. The coolers are thinning out and the only thing that's left are a couple of Heinekens, but of course, you don't have a bottle opener. But wait!!!! No problemo. Let me just take off my sandal, drawing unnecessary attention to my disgusting feet and pop everyones top off with the dirty, piss stained bottom of my foot.



Great. Great idea. Thanks Reef guys.

To this point, the taste of Grapefruit has overpowered the Tangerine, as I have yet to buy a pair of Reef Sandals. However, I will say, if I ever make it on an episode of Family Feud and the question is "Name a brand of sandal?", I'm going Reef over....ah...Teva(they were in business in 1995 and I'm assuming they're still kicking around). "Survey SAYS....Ding! The number 1 answer."

So keep at it Reef guys, continue to crank out asses(huh?) and you're just a few minor alterations from becoming the number one sandal maker in the world!!!!